BABY, it’s COLD outside. You’ve had a long week at work. Your feet hurt, your hormones are high, you and your boo have already made dinner plans, and they’re calling for snow, so you might not have to go in tomorrow. You stop by Victoria’s Secret to get some new “pajamas” to “Netflix and Chill” in. Dinner goes perfectly, the mood is set, he (or she) starts kissing on your neck, making their way down your stomach, a smell arises and “THWAP”, they pass out. Time (and wine) is wasted, you’re humiliated, and your night is ruined. Don’t let this happen to you. Take notes on keeping it cute all cuffing season.
1. Flower Power
Don’t use scented things ‘down there’. Your vagina is perfectly capable of cleansing itself. Use gentle, preferably sensitive skin, and unscented soaps. There are plenty of organic and holistic yoni soaps (NOT SUMMER’S EVE) that are sold at local whole food markets and organic food markets. Try a bath bomb used to tone and balance your pH from www.pollynation.com. Do your research, find a soap your yoni likes.
2. Don’t be a Douche
Do not put things up there to cleanse, (again, it’s self cleaning). Douching can kill good bacteria and cause even worse problems like bacterial vaginosis or UTI’s. You should also beware of the types of tampons you’re using. Organic Cotton Tampons are a great brand, and better than all those other brands with chemicals and toxins that cause blood clotting. Your aunt flow, should flow. Period.
3. Protect Your Fanny, Be a Granny
Look, either be a grandma or go commando. You can switch up to the cute panties post shower/right before your boo comes over. Your lady parts need to breathe. Sis, she can’t breathe wearing lace panties, a body suit, and high waist jeans, plus the extra heat from your tucked in turtle neck. TAKE IT OFF. Wear 100% cotton undies. Comfort is key. If it feels hot down there, IT IS. You don’t want that sweat to form bacteria. That’s a yeast infection you can truly avoid.
4. Lick it BEFORE You Stick It
I’m no expert, but friction can be uncomfortable. Things are warming up in the bedroom and your boo wants to turn the fan on *cringe*. Look, overhead fans can dry out the wettest of oceans, but you are prepared. Organic and water based lube can ensure you have a good time. You can even go as organic as using 100% coconut oil, which rebalances your flora and fights yeast infections. If you choose cunnalingus as your choice of lube, MAKE YOUR PARTNER BRUSH THEIR TEETH. Do you honestly want remnants of food, Hennessy, wine, and weed smoke messing up what you’re putting down? No! A quick swish of mouthwash can save your future.
5. Don’t Be a Hoho
Listen Sis, do not let that man turn you into a Twinkie or a baby mama. Per my last post, there are enough Cancers and Geminis in the world. Your MCM drinks Henny, smokes endlessly and eats cookout. He drinks juice instead of water, and he doesn’t like vegetables…He’s 25. Imagine all that acidic semen going into you, YUCK. When in doubt, STEAM IT OUT. Obviously peeing after sex is a given, but Vaginal Tea Steams have been a cleansing method used by women around the world for years. Different from douching, the warm steam opens up your wall and flushes things out without anything being inserted. Sit over the warm bowl for 20-45 minutes. You can create your own at-home teas for whatever YOUR lady parts need.
Probiotics not working? Your body may need a little extra help. Your body acid can actually be too strong for your probiotics. Prebiotics are like fertilizer to your flower garden; they lay the foundation so that probiotics can do their job. Just like every good plan has a wing man, your vitamins need one too.
Probiotics are good bacteria. They are live cultures that keep you balanced all over. Make sure you buy probiotics specifically for your vagina, and be sure to REFRIGERATE them. Live probiotics need a cold environment to work properly. This makes them last through your stomach acid and get the job done! PSA: That sugary Cranberry juice does not replace probiotics. It’s either 100% raw organic cranberry juice that tastes like dirt, or probiotics and water. TAKE YOUR PICK.
8. NO SEX, Period.
It should say “no period sex”. Baby girl, your body needs time to cleanse itself. Imagine someone throwing mud on you while you’re in the shower. It can wait a couple of days. Your body needs a break.
9. Realign with Alkaline
Last but not least, you are what you eat. We saw you chug that whole bottle of Jose Cuervo and that’s cool. Keep in mind that things like bacterial vaginosis, UTI’s, and yeast infections CAN OCCUR WITHOUT INTERCOURSE. However, none of these things can exist in an alkaline environment. Acid from things like soda, and especially liquor, can make things get a little wacky. Be sure to restore your electrolytes and your pH balance with Alkaline water, water/alkaline based fruits and vegetables, and a well-balanced diet. You can test your pH using pH strips you pee on that can be found online or your local drugstore.
Keep in mind that everyone is different. On top of getting STD testing between partners, pay attention to your body and do what works for you. Your night in shouldn’t be a nightmare. Keep it clean, keep it cute, and keep “cuffing”. *winks*