The Ayesha Syndrome: Valid, or Nah?

Ironically, being a wife and baby-mother to the NBA’s most renowned light-bright can often keep you in corners where the shadows are the darkest. But you have to come forward at some point, right? Well it seems like Ayesha Curry knows all about that because she did a whole lot of coming forward this past week and no, it was not to show us the flawless golden crisp on her apple fritters. 

If you’re wondering what exactly has all your social media timelines in complete shambles, it’s the aftermath of what Ayesha said during one of Jada Pinkett’s truly engaging,“Red Table Talk” interviews (linked below).

At approximately 13:17, Ayesha opens up about her built-up insecurity stemming from a lack of outside male attention. 

Yep…That’s all folks…

Pretty anticlimactic, ain’t it? The fact that a 30-year-old, married-mother of three would fix her mouth to say that sometimes she still feels inadequate is a concept that is so foreign to your MCM, his head is exploding while he screams “THESE B*****S IZ BIRDS” for the fourth time this week. This concept is so unbelievably wrong to your WCW that now, she’s lying on the gram, on the book, and on the bird (all women do is lie anyway so, I’m not surprised). 

Anyway, amidst all the uproar, there are logical people such as myself, who, after hearing the vulnerability she felt open enough to share, can completely understand the sentiment in her words and get where she’s coming from. 

I figured her thoughts would be pretty straightforward and unproblematic, but the fact that such a real feeling has brought about so much unwarranted judgment, senseless commentary, and oddly biased opinions to light, merits a much further look into what it really means. So for today, call me Wreck it Ralph, ‘cause I’m about to break this MFer down!

*Clears throat* As people, no matter how much you want to deny it, we all crave some level of validation and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Whether it’s from the people we keep the closest or from the strangers we pass by every day that we will never see again; we all would like our long tedious weeks to be sprinkled with compliments and positive affirmations. We want to be noticed. We want to feel seen by somebody. 

I mean, DUH, feeling appreciated, respected, loved, and cherished by your partner is extremely comforting and what really matters, but, it also hits different when someone random uses their energy and takes time out their day to give you a genuine compliment, whether it be on your character, physical appearance, etc.

Valid, or nah? 

Y’all ain’t feeling me though. So let’s take it a level deeper because I got time today.

When a great artist creates great art and puts it up for display, to the naked eye, the art looks flawless as is. Mostly because it’s displayed. Majority of the time, the artist responsible for the art is the only one that notices the flaws because they’ve worked intimately with the piece, inside and out. They’ve seen the mess-ups, the unfortunate disproportions, the asymmetrical faces, the scratch-outs, the paint-overs, all that.

Now, let’s look at Ayesha as the great artist and her body as the great art. Ayesha is a wife and mother of not one, not two, but three children. If you know anything about having kids, you know that it alters your body and the majority of women are slightly insecure about their bodies post-pregnancy. Her body (her great art) has changed since she and Steph first met years ago and even though it doesn’t seem like it to others, with her being the artist, she notices any little thing that is different and will think that others do too.

Valid, or nah?

Unfortunately for you and I, people that look 100x better than us always find a way to be in our faces. Whether it be on TV or the explore page on Instagram. The difference is, most of us will never see these people so all we have to do is worry about being the prettiest in the room. In Ayesha’s case, she’s not just looking at her competition through magazines and TV screens, she’s actually physically around them. She’s around the Cartier-framed, Dr. Miami-waisted IG models turned NBA wives and when you’re constantly seeing a certain body type that isn’t yours be put on a pedestal, it not only gets tiring but ultimately defeating egotistically. 

Comparison is one hell of a demon, but that demon is the only one left to play with when it seems like nobody else wants to play with you. When you’re feeling like people aren’t paying you any attention, you start to look at who you see them paying attention to and once you do that, you start to examine your differences and believe your differences are your flaws. 

Valid, or nah?

You still not feeling me though. So let’s look at it in a way you can relate to more closely. 

For those who say, “She’s married! She shouldn’t be worried about getting attention from anybody except her man” answer the following questions in your head as you read:

Question 1) 
Have you ever said you want to be the mom/dad 
that all of your kid’s friends think is hot?

I ask this because if you have, you can’t say sh*t about Ayesha. It’s really the same concept. You obviously aren’t going to act on your kid’s friends thinking you’re hot (hopefully), but you do want others outside of your relationship to think you’re attractive.

Valid, or nah?

Question 2) 
Have you ever been in a relationship and posted 
one or more of the following to any of your social media 
accounts (via TL post or story)? 

 A. A thirst trap
 B. An “Ask me a question/Tell me something” form  
 C. A screenshot of the number of saves/shares you received on a post. 

I ask this because if you have, you can’t say sh*t about Ayesha either. Don’t get me wrong. I am NOT saying there is anything wrong with posting those things on your page, but whether you want to agree or not, consciously or subconsciously, you’re doing it for some more attention. That doesn’t mean you’re going to act on it though, right?

No. What you’re probably going to do is curve every single person that shoots their shot. You know why? Because curving gives you power and power gives you confidence. But if you don’t get attention, you have no one to curve. If you have no one to curve, you may not feel aesthetically powerful. If you don’t feel aesthetically powerful, 9/10 you won’t feel confident. AND IF YOU DON’T FEEL CONFIDENT, you may build up some insecurities every now and then, just like Ayesha. 

Valid, or nah? 

So enough of the pop quiz, the moral of the story is:

  • The Ayesha Syndrome is quite real.
  • A lot of you are hypocrites.
  • Many of my fellow male-counterparts are utterly ignorant and it’s been showing so it’s embarrassing.
  • And lastly, if you’re a man or a woman bashing Ayesha for just being honest on how she feels, please stfu.

And Ayesha, if you just so happen to be reading this, f*ck what they talking about. If nobody else tells you they feel you, know that I feel you. Don’t ever sleep on yourself. A lot of your biggest admirers will never say it or make it known that they have always been looking your way (unless, of course, you’re at a gas station).

Valid, or nah? 

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